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Monday, February 16, 2009

It's Official...

I have gestational diabetes. I'm not sure exactly what that means for Baby Madison and me yet. The doctor said that basically she is producing a hormone that is keeping me from producing insulin. I do know that the doctor wants to attempt to control the problem with diet first. I'm supposed to be meeting with a dietitian some time in the next 2 weeks to discuss my new diet. Each day, I will have to test my blood sugar first thing in the morning and then 2 hours after every meal. I'm supposed to keep a log of the measurements and bring them with me to every appointment. I'm wondering how strict this diet is going to be...I'm definitely willing to do it, but it does make me a little nervous. I hate protein. I don't eat a lot of meat. Most of my energy comes from carbs, and I'm wondering how many I will be allowed to have. I'm also a little concerned that I may start losing weight.

I'm hoping the diet works! If not, we will have to try either a pill or insulin shots. (scary!)

Madison's heartbeat is still really strong and she seems to be doing well. She is super active! We have an ultrasound a week from today. I'm very excited for this one because the tech said at the last appointment that we'd try 3D. I'm hoping that she cooperates, and I get to see her little face. I'm totally amazed by 3D ultrasounds! I can't believe that in a week we might have a better idea of what she looks like!

My due date is 3 months from today! I constantly wonder when she'll actually be here! We are so anxious!!!

I've also been having these feelings of inferiority...like I keep questioning myself as a mother...like "if I can't protect her now when she's still inside my body, how will I be able to take care of her when she's here?" And I know it's just the crazy hormones taking over and that it's silly...but I still think it from time to time. And I know that the problems I'm having are not my fault. I know that I have primary hypertension and there's not a thing I can do about it. I knew that I had this problem before I ever got pregnant and that it was something we'd have to deal with. The gestational diabetes kind of took me by surprise, but I know that it isn't anything I'm doing wrong...especially since I rarely eat sweets and still exercise regularly. I know that none of it is my fault and it's completely out of my control, but it still makes me feel guilty...that my problems could harm her or affect her in a negative way. And I'm sure she'll be just fine, but I've learned that being pregnant makes you question things you typically wouldn't think twice about and fear even the most unlikely outcomes. I promise I'm trying my best to stay positive though! :-)

**Update**
Just got a call. I'm going to a nutrition class at 1:00 on Thursday and my appointment is immediately after. I'm making Matt tag along because I'm already feeling a little overwhelmed.

3 comments:

DollBaby said...

I understand about the questioning thing. I did that all the time when I was pregnant with Addie. I was always worried. Its funny because the second she was born I stopped questioning everything and just knew I could do it. That I wasn't going to screw things up royally. That I am a good mommy.
I think doubt is something every mother goes through while pregnant, whether they have a perfect pregnancy or one where they have gestational diabetes. (BTW, that definitely does not mean you did ANYTHING wrong. It's just something that happens. Do NOT beat yourself up over that!) Once that baby girl gets here those thoughts will disappear and they will be replaced with "I can do everything, I don't need any help with anything". That's how I am now. Ha!
You will be a wonderful mommy! Don't let anything make you feel otherwise.

Sara said...

Mandi you and Matt will be wonderful parents, don't worry. We all feel that way. Madison is a lucky girl.

I am praying for you and know that you will be fine. Gestational diabetes is not easy but, you can do it. These three months will past faster than you realize. Looking forward to seeing your 3D Ultrasound pics.

LaurensMom said...

I had a friend who had gestational diabetes with her baby - and she was able to control it with diet and actually had a really small baby - well, compared to Lauren anyway! I'm sure it will be difficult at times, but everything will be fine. And I questioned myself the entire pregnancy - and there are times I still do, especially when Lauren is sick. It just means you are a true mommy! The room is too cute - love the colors on the wall!